One of the major misconceptions with Postpartum Depression (PPD) is the assumption that it is a short-term struggle. Much like the flu, it hits some harder than others, the time frame that you are ‘out of commission’ can vary, but overall, you bear through the worst of it until it’s finally time to get back to the daily grind.

Except sometimes the worst of it never goes away. Sometimes you never get better. Sometimes it leaves and comes back.

“Something is really wrong with me because you don’t hear people talk about postpartum depression starting and then staying like that.’” Said Chelsea Reiswig in an article posted by The Atlantic, When Postpartum Depression Doesn’t Go Away.

The article continues to discuss the the long term effects that PPD can have on an individual when it goes undiagnosed. Towards the end of the article, Reiswig states, “Now I have accepted this is likely something I will deal with the rest of my life...”.

The day I met Lorena ( Motherhood Unfiltered ) I knew there was something a little deeper behind that gorgeous smile. D.C., Baltimore, Annapolis, Atlanta, Oahu Photographer.

And if you think it’s hard for the individual themselves to try and grasp what is happening to their emotional, mental, and physical health, it can be just as complicated for professionals. “It is very difficult for a person, even a trained person, to be able to distinguish between regular frustrations, hormonal fluctuations, and a mood disorder,” says Nicole Washington, a Tulsa-based psychiatrist.

I sincerely think this is why the discussion of what happens around birth - before birth, during birth, after birth - needs to be recognized as something that is not shushed and discarded. If we aren’t even near the point of being able to pinpoint and recognize certain challenges, the furthest thing from helping that is throwing up our hands, saying ‘Yep. That sucks.’ and changing the topic.

Laurena talks about her struggles after birth in her article, The Truth Behind the Photo . Newborn, Birth, Maternity photography serving the D.C., Atlanta, Annapolis, Baltimore, Oahu areas.

When I recognized that writing about the topic of Postpartum Depression was something that I felt was a necessary, I envisioned it to be a three part series: capturing the perspective of a postpartum mother I knew, sharing a piece of my own experience, and finding one article that may share some insight on this highly complex issue. Having come to what I loosely assumed would be the ‘end’ of this topic, I am reconsidering that my time exploring this is ‘done’.

I am well aware that this is not a topic that is going to be enjoyed by many; however, I am going to take the ‘quality over quantity’ approach with these writings, in the hopes that a few may be encouraged to recognize signs and symptoms within themselves or someone they know.

So, let’s keep the conversation going, so that we may feel joy, share joy, raise joy, and leave a legacy of joy.

Xo

Teresa

Teresa Robertson received her Bachelor’s of Fine Art degree in Photography and Fine Art Illustration from the Savannah College of Art and Design. After serving as a volunteer for several years with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, she became interested in Birth Photography and Birth Doula (DONA) work as well. She soulfully resides on the island of Oahu, is passionate about preserving the land and culture, and is proud to serve on The Queen’s Court.

Did you know? 1 in 7 Moms and 1 in 10 Dads suffer from postpartum depression. Reaching out to speak with someone is the best way to help determine what path is best for you. Consider reaching out to Postpartum International Support by calling 1.800.944.4773, texting 503.894.9453 or visitinghttp://www.postpartum.net/

Dear Friend with Postpartum Depression Who Doesn’t Think She Has Postpartum Depression,

I don’t know if you see yourself. But I see you. And I’m scared for you.

Why?

Because I’ve been there. And I almost didn’t make it out alive. I know, I know - this is different for you. It was for me, too. I could get out of bed. I could fake the smile - hell, once in awhile I even had a genuine smile. I changed my cloth diapered baby, cooked dinner from scratch, posted all the pretty pictures on Instagram; if you could see a physical example of a ‘functioning post-birth mother’, I can assure you, I was what you were looking for. I even filled out that 6 week checkup form with flying colors because, I mean...come on.

I made sure no one could see me inside.

Eight weeks postpartum, at the pumpkin patch with my family. The meltdown in the middle of Whole Foods afterwards is memorable.

I had been told about the ‘scary, spooky PPD’ stories. What I was feeling wasn’t anything quite like I had heard, so at the time I thought that wasn’t what I was going through. Whatever it was, I was ‘just was in a funk’. Something I needed to adjust my attitude in the bathroom quickly and then continue to take on the day. After all, I was just adjusting. I was just tired. I was just...failing.

I want you to know that Postpartum Depression is SO difficult to see and define, that if you *are* struggling, you will likely not fit nice and neat into a predetermined box. And like an abusive relationship, it will be easy to make excuses, brush off ‘isolated’ incidents, and accept the voice in your head that keeps apologizing, saying ‘It will never be this way again. That was the last time. I promise.’

No, I can’t see your soul. Maybe I’m way off base. But if the fact that I see even a glimmer of me in you scares the hell of me. I don’t want this pain for you and I wish I could do more. A side effect of not getting help when it is needed means that this can have life-long, lasting effects; so, yes, I am coming to you as a person who has never completely healed - and as someone who is begging you to consider a different path.

I  want you to know that I see you, I feel with you, and I. LOVE. YOU. I may not be able to heal you but I still want you to know you can come to me and just be. Not the ‘You’ pre baby, not the ‘You’ you thought you would be post baby - the You that you are right now.

I need you. I need you to be honest with me. I need you to be honest with yourself. With your significant other. Your doctor. With anyone and everyone who will listen. Maybe we won’t all understand and we may make mistakes. I just want you to know it’s all with good intention, with the attempt of showing you how much we love you.

Just please don’t wait.

Three weeks postpartum, first family outing with my newborn, Washington D.C.

Teresa Robertson received her Bachelor’s of Fine Art degree in Photography and Fine Art Illustration from the Savannah College of Art and Design. After serving as a volunteer for several years with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, she became interested in Birth Photography and Birth Doula (DONA) work as well. She soulfully resides on the island of Oahu, is passionate about preserving the land and culture, and is proud to serve on The Queen’s Court.

If you, or someone you know, may be suffering from Postpartum Depression (PPD), please reach out to your health professional or Postpartum Support International

There is something that I often bring up that catches some people off guard when discussing why there are benefits to having photos taken of your newborn or infant.

“Have you experienced or think you’re at risk for Postpartum Depression?”  

I don’t think we’re at a healthy point in our society where we are yet educated to really understand how to prepare for PPD before it’s actually experienced, so I understand that the timing of this topic (typically when someone is expecting) can seem off. However, having experienced many new moms walk through my studio doors with a familiar look in their eye is just one way I see the correlation between what these women think they’ve hired me to photograph and what I know I need to capture.

One of the most beautiful mothers I’ve ever photographed, in the midst of her postpartum depression hell.

For one woman, Lorena of Motherhood Unfiltered, our newborn session together would be more impactful and expansive than I could ever imagine. In her blog post, THE TRUTH BEHIND THE PHOTO: POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION REALIZATIONLorena writes,

““...felt so guilty. I had a healthy, beautiful baby boy for fucks sake. Why the hell was I crying? I kept blaming it on the baby blues….I felt miserable, disconnected, and started having dark feelings that I was embarrassed to tell anyone about.””

— Lorena of Motherhood Unfiltered

After working through her recovery and reflecting back on that time, Lorena now says, “I am definitely very grateful we captured the pictures. I definitely had times of happiness but I just felt covered by a dark cloud until Lennox was about 6 weeks.” It’s been through conversations with other women as well that they are able to look back on these pictures with their brand new babies and remember, if just for the slightest of moments, that there truly was beauty in the storm.

Follow along with Lorena and Lennox on the website Motherhood Unfiltered

Postpartum Depression - PPD - can steal any remembrance of joy, or even a simple moment of calmness, you may have experienced during the first few weeks/months after delivery.

Teresa Robertson received her Bachelor’s of Fine Art degree in Photography and Fine Art Illustration from the Savannah College of Art and Design. After serving as a volunteer for several years with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, she became interested in Birth Photography and Birth Doula (DONA) work as well. She soulfully resides on the island of Oahu, is passionate about preserving the land and culture, and is proud to serve on The Queen’s Court.